diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Flying a Kite and Searching for God I unravel the twine just a foot or two, and the small gust of wind picks up the kite. The twine unravels more, and the kite is sent into the air. There is no one around me. It's just me, the open field of Allerton Park, and my kite. It's hot and sticky, but the breeze is cool on my back. I squint in the sun and start to pick up my pace. I run through the weeds and the tall grass. The kite dances and swoops through the gusts of wind. I stop running to see the kite ripple and sway in the cloudless sky. I'm standing still and the wind picks up. The twine unwinds to the very end. The kite is soaring with the birds. A hawk is 100 feet away, gliding on a thermal with its wings outstretched. My arms are tired, but I still focus on holding the kite. I managed to fly my kite as high as it could go. It lasted for about ten minutes. It was perfect. I think I felt something inside me when I played with the kite. I'm not sure how to explain it. There I was, holding on to the handle, guiding the kite and keeping it up in the air. And yet... even though I was holding it, the kite could soar and fly as it wished. It was free to fly higher than the maples and oaks, because I gave it the space it needed to soar. Perhaps I am a little like that kite. I long for someone to motivate me, to toss me into a gust of wind. I need that push, that initial drive. And then, after I have gotten started, I can reach higher and achieve my goals. But I need space to do it. I know that, attached to me, there is someone guiding me and helping me. I can't decide if this is a good quality to have. To need someone to motivate me only to tell them later that I need space to accomplish my goals. But if I know that there is someone holding on to me, if I fall or fail, there is someone to catch me. Maybe, just maybe, this isn't a person I'm talking about here. I have a lot of friends who encourage me and uplift me. Friends who push me to take a risk and do something I've always wanted to do. Maybe God is the one I am searching for right now. I need motivation, but I've been distracted. I need Him to unravel my potential and send me into the rush of the world. If I could let God unwind that string and send me soaring, I could fly higher and do greater things. The Spirit would be there to guide the string and send me into new places. I could do something great through God and with God. But something within me is keeping me down, holding me back. What's stopping me? What's holding me back? This is the problem. 8:44 p.m. - July 08, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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