diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On being a doormat and missing her friend Kristin's 21st birthday is today. When we were sophomores, I would have never assumed that we'd stop being friends. I thought we'd spend every birthday, Christmas, or school break hanging out. We were inseparable. Joined at the hip, if you will. Now I have no idea what's going on in her life or how she is. I just don't know anything about her now. It's weird that she's celebrating a birthday without me. When I was younger, I thought high school friends were forever. But I'm not the only one who was wrong about that. I wrote a cheesy birthday poem that I found on her facebook wall. Dan had to motivate me to even bother saying happy birthday to her at all. I hadn't talked to her since August, I didn't feel like I had the right. But she wrote back, and that made me really happy. Even if it wasn't a full-hearted reply, I'll take it. I can accept that we aren't really friends anymore, but it'll break my heart if she just completely disappears from my life forever. I'm no good at cutting people out of my life. And that's been proven several times. With Mike, who drove me insane all throughout high school only to become my favorite lunch buddy when I was at Parkland. With Meg, when she chose the friends who didn't always treat her right, but now she's the girl I rely on for advice, hugs, and good bonding time. With Brendon even, who broke my heart as a college freshman but now we swap music and go out to movies together. Does this make me some sort of doormat? Do people know this quality about me and assume they can hurt me? Simply because I can find it in my heart to forgive them? What if this good quality of mine hurts me deeply down the road? When will I stop waiting on people to realize that I forgave them and start moving on with my life? Jesus said forgive. Love. What if it starts hurting me on the inside? I don't think I'm as brave as Jesus to allow that. 10:45 p.m. - December 18, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||