diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reality I can finally make what happened on Sunday evening a reality to myself and to diaryland. I was starting to freak out. About everything. People kept asking if we were going to get married, but we had only been together for a few months. Jon would make comments about how smart our kids would be someday. I even made comments about how our landscape would be the best on the block. It was as though we didn't have a relationship anymore, just something that lingered on the future. It was like the present wasn't good enough. Like we were bored with each other, so all we could do was watch a movie or make out. We couldn't talk to each other on the phone because we didn't know what to say to each other. I was jaded, but confused. I cared so much about Jon, and we wanted God in our relationship--so why wasn't it working? The thing is, I really want it to work. So I didn't really break up with him. I took the cop-out and said that I needed some space. That I thought we both needed time to take a step back and re-evaluate our relationship. I needed time to really, truly miss him. He was so quiet during all of this, and I cried a little because I expected tears from him. It was crappy, it was awkward, but we'll both be stronger from this situation. I've been taking more time to pray, and have started reading the Bible again. Maybe there will be some sense out of this. God is in everything. He's even in the silence that I'm feeling right now. 9:39 p.m. - June 12, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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