diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Defeated I applied to be on Service Team. I really seriously felt as though I was called to be on ST. That quiet night in the chapel when I felt the chills run down my spine and the Sanctuary Candle flickered and danced in the dark. I swear that's what I felt. I was never more excited about listening to what God was saying to me. And then I wasn't accepted. I couldn't talk to anyone about it for two days because it was a secret. I talked to Sister Anna, but her words didn't help the hurt inside. I'm still confused and torn and I feel as though my God-radar is off. Then Service Team was announced. Jon made it. The two people I'm closest to here at U of I. It was like a kick to my broken heart. I wanted to be happy for them; to be joyful with them. I couldn't. My close friends made team, why couldn't I? It just didn't make sense. What were those feelings that I had in the chapel that night? Was it just the wind? Was I just cold? I was so excited about everything. Now I just feel defeated. 11:11 a.m. - April 12, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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