diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- october blahs Things are a little tense around here lately. Everyone is looking for apartments, even though it's only October. And the choices are dwindling, and people are panicking. The Scarlet Fever house will not be around for next year, so all of us who were planning on living in this house are frantically searching for somewhere else to live. Three girls went on their own to search for apartments, and ending up signing a lease... without really informing people about what was going on, where they were living, or if we could try to find a place nearby. So now the rest of us are on our own, feeling a little jipped and mostly sad. My friend Linda and I have decided to live together for next year, and we've been growing really close lately. I'm excited to live with her, but I wish we could just figure out the whole "where" in this living situation. Tonight we had a "girl's night out" in the Scarlet Fever house. It had a sour end, when two girls mentioned their apartment search for tomorrow in front of a girl who thought would be living with them. It hurt her when she found out they wanted a 2-bedroom apartment instead, and she left the room almost in tears. There's so much drama and tension, it�s like high school all over again, only complicated because now we have to worry about bills and responsibilities. It sucks. I haven�t felt this overwhelmed in ages, and October is starting to lose the joy and glimmer it had at the beginning of the month. Classes are starting to take over my life, and I don't feel as though I�m smart enough to be earning these As that I�ve received at all. I'm slacking and procrastinating, and I still managed to ace my entomology midterm. Go figure. But Greenhouse management is a completely different story. The class is kicking my ass, and I have no idea what's going on. We gave a presentation on our production schedule for the following month in our poinsettia display project, and I felt so dumb when I was up there trying to explain our growing plan, or whatever it was I was trying to do. I don't know, I just feel very out of place in that class. I don't understand how I'm supposed to balance my classwork with a social life that some of these people have. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, emotionally or mentally, that doesn't allow me to get close to people or try to talk to people. I'm not sure how many people really know who I am or why I say some of the things I say. I don't think I've allowed myself to open up like that since... ever? It just seems like I have a lot of secrets and blaaargh I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel as though I'm being pulled in five different directions, but I couldn't possibly tell you which directions those are. In conclusion. I am scared, lonely, confused. Damn it. 1:17 a.m. - October 21, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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