diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lazy. I wrote this in my blog, but it ended up being so emotional that it deserves to be here, too. I'm not sure how this happened, or how I let it happen, but I've turned into the lazy college student that never accomplishes nearly as much as she should. I'd like to be impressive. I'd like to have a resume that sticks out. I want to be involved, important, intelligent. But somewhere along the lines, I've stopped caring. My priorities are out of order, because I'd rather check my email, update my blog, or chat with my friends (online or in person) instead of work on my project for class. There are so many things that I need to be doing, but I just don't push myself to start any of them. How can I ever get a decent job if I don't apply myself? I don't have a job this semester, and I'm not doing any research with my professors. What do I do? I facebook, I listen to music, I watch marathons of Project Runway. I wish I knew what I was doing with my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions and dealing with class just so I can graduate. But graduation shouldn't be my goal--learning something that I love and keeping that knowledge so that I can have a career that I'll enjoy for the rest of my life should be my goal. I know what I don't want to do. I don't want to work in a greenhouse, and I don't think I'd like to work in a florist shop. I don't want to do research, either. So what's left? I can't just play in the soil/planting media all day. There has to be something more fruitful than that. Part of me is really interested in working with extension, because everybody knows that I can't shut up about plants. But the thing is, I don't know enough about plants or work hard enough to memorize the things I've learned about plants to truly do this sort of job. It'd be great if I knew all the proper methods of vegetable gardening or how to maintain a flower display... but I don't! And I don't even want to go to grad school, so my choices are very limited. This was a huge rant, and I really don't know where it came from. It feels good to have it off my chest, but now I'm just worried that things are worse than they seem. P.S. The Cardinals are going to the World Series!!! 11:44 p.m. - October 19, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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