diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Top Secret Can you keep a secret? No, I'm really serious. It's something that I've been trusted with and very few other people know. It's something that could damage a person's reputation if this kind of news was spread throughout our circle of friends. Carly, if you still read this, please don't read this entry. For the rest of you, you'll have to highlight the page to find the text. I have a friend, "Teddy". Teddy is a really handsome and very funny guy. I had a huge crush on him the beginning of last year. He was so handsome though, and so many girls were always around him, that I could never bring myself to ask him out. So instead he just ended up being the guy I'd see at dinner at Newman. We'd make fun of random things and complain about the food. Then I started dating Jon. Teddy never really seemed excited about Jon. He'd always ask me how things were going with Jon, and it seemed like he'd be disappointed if things were going well and he'd be excited if things weren't so hot. I started to think that Teddy had a crush on me. I started to wonder if maybe Teddy was who I really wanted to be with, not Jon. Those emotions were shot down a while ago, but in the back of my mind I've kept this secret little crush on Teddy. It wasn't anything harmful, and I could never leave Jon for Teddy, especially not for a stupid reason like that. But it lingered. Jon also thought that Teddy had a crush on me. In fact, Teddy is the only boy that Jon is openly jealous/protective about. I've assured him that things are okay, and he just kind of gives me that sad looks and says he's okay. "Just be careful." Friday evening, I went out with Teddy to the bars. I hadn't seen Teddy in a long time, now that we both don't live at Newman. Jon knew that I was going out with Teddy, and I promised him that I wouldn't get drunk. Teddy told me he's gay. And then I accidentally got drunk. (Two beers!! How was I supposed to know that two beers would get me so tipsy?! Geesh.) Teddy was so nervous and so scared to tell me. It makes sense now, all those girls that were around him (they already knew and were friends outside of Newman). But almost everyone within the Newman circle has NO idea. It's a huge, huge secret and I'm not even allowed to talk to Jon about it. It's stuff like this that makes me question my faith. I am so close with Teddy, I could never imagine not being his friend simply because he's gay. I could never try to "convert" Teddy back to being straight. What do I do, God? Ignore it? Ignore him? Pretend I never had that conversation? Accept him and be his friend, of course. I do not want to change him. I do not feel as though I should have to. It's messy. And complicated. And a HUGE secret. Don't.Tell.Anyone. 5:41 p.m. - September 25, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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