diamondsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excuses On Mondays I go into the greenhouse to do some "house keeping." We received a few shipments of plants last week, like Kalanchoe and New Guinea Impatiens. This Monday I took care of the plants in our demonstration lab, swept the floors, and watered our Begonias. The floors are always filthy, because no one else cares about keeping the place clean and free of disease since we aren't forced to do it this semester like we were in 341. Someone left the hose pressurized, so my pants got soaked when I turned on the faucet. After sweeping the floors, watering the Begonias, and watering the plants in our lab, I was exhausted. I grabbed my coat and bookbag off the bench, only to notice that the New Guinea Impatiens looked a little dry. I was not in the mood to put down my things, undo the hose, and water plants that weren't even on my group's bench. So I left, shrugging, "Someone will do it..." This morning we had to check our plants and take measurements since we'll be gone this weekend for a field trip. We opened the doors and walked in, only to discover that over half of the Impatiens had wilted and were practically dead. Our professor was angry, and people in class were playing hot potato, trying to place the blame on anyone but themselves. But I knew that I was the one that could have done something. But I was selfish and in a hurry. I had to worry about me and my exam. It wasn't on my bench, so why did I have to do anything about it? I cared too much about my own time that I didn't bother to consider that not watering these plants could affect everyone else in the class. And I can't help but think that's how I am in a lot of things. How did I become so selfish? I talk about me, me, me. I barely give people room to talk about themselves. I'd like to think I'm thankful for the graces God has given me, but do I stop to listen to the works He is doing in other people's lives? I'm not so sure I do a very good job doing so. Sin is a Greek word that means, "to miss the mark." I feel that I've definitely missed the mark on this one. I need to let go. Let go of whatever it is that's tying me down, blocking me out, keeping me in. I want to be able to let hope, faith, love, and joy back into my life. This semester has been so rushed. I've gone four weeks in a row now with more than one exam a week. I can't take time to relax... and when I do I feel guilty and disappointed. I don't even do that well on my exams, because I just do the bare minimum to get by in my classes... just so I can get one exam over to start on the next. It's this awful cycle, and it's not ending any time soon. This weekend I have to finish a production project, even though I'm going on a field trip and a road trip to see Goo Goo Dolls and Augustana in concert (I thought I deserved the break). Next week I have another exam and a lab report to finish. It's non-stop. I'm trying to keep God in this. Offering up my homework and my studies to Him. But I just feel like a big disappointment. I want something more out of this life. I want to bring joy to other people, I want to do something that is guinuinely good. But I'm tired, I'm busy, and I have another exam tomorrow. How long will I keep making excuses? 7:46 p.m. - February 28, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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